Underlying reasons why we do things and how to change

There are things that we do but we may not understand why, or we don’t know how to stop doing things

Sound familiar?

Let’s take talking bad about others [ie: Lashon Hara] for example.

We all know that Lashon Hara is pretty bad. We all believe that it is not something that we should be doing. Lashon Hara caused the destruction of the second Beis Hamikdash, and many other wrongs. But we still have a hard time with it.

Why? If we understand that it is so bad, why do we continue to speak Lashon Hara?

If you simply say “The Yetzer Hara” than you completely misunderstand the Yetzer Hara and also limit yourself in your growth.

As with everything, there is more than meets the eye. When it comes to human motivation, there are layers upon layers, each deeper than the next.

Rav Chaim Vital writes¹ that a persons Middos, or character traits are the basis and foundation on which the rest of his being and good deeds stand. Your character is you. If a person has a flawed character, the rest of him will be flawed. If a person has good character, the rest of him will be good.

Additionally, Rav Yerucham Levovits² explains that there is no such thing as a big or small action, there are only big or small people. If you are a big person, then even the smallest actions will be meaningful and bring you to greatness. If you are a small person then even the biggest things will be meaningless won’t bring you to greatness. Your actions stand upon your character. Your character gives the backdrop and context for your actions.

Actions don’t matter, what matters is the character doing the actons.

We are discovering that who the person is in their essence is of the utmost importance.

Underlying any person’s actions is a very deep and intertwined network of foundations, and that is the place to look when trying to change. A person must change their character traits and then the actions will follow suit.

This is why the Baalei Mussar put such a focus upon character traits. Because all of the Torah and Mitzvos are meaningless if standing upon a bad character.

Lashon Hara and Leprosy

What is underlying Lashon Hara?

We know that Lashon Hara causes leprosy so let us examine leprosy to gain an understanding.

We get a clue from Rashi³ who explains that leprosy comes from haughtiness therefore the lepers’ purification comes by way of humility.

There is a link between haughtiness and leprosy. Haughtiness causes leprosy. Combine this with the fact that Lashon Hara causes leprosy.

The link is clear: Haughtiness is the cause of Lashon Hara.

Underlying Lashon Hara is the feeling that “I am better than you”. I can only speak badly about you if I feel that I am better than you.

If I feel that I am better than you, I put myself on a pedestal and put you down, both in my own mind and verbally.

The Cure

If so, then what is the cure?

Humility.

Someone stricken with the disease of leprosy, his cure is humility.

Humility is considered one of the greatest character traits that one can attain. Moshe Rabbeinu is praised in the Torah as humble⁴. This is one of the greatest praises that a person can have. Humility is one of the greatest character traits that a person can attain.

Humility is underlying many good traits, including: Hakaras Hatov, Menuchas Hanefesh, and Emes.

So back to our leper.

The leper needs to do a few things in order to lower himself from his ivory tower.

1. Wear torn clothes
2. Grow his hair long and wild
3. Cover his mouth with a cloth
4. Call out “I am impure! I am impure!”
5. Live outside of the encampment alone

Let’s take a moment to picture this guy. He looks like a wildman and a little bit crazy. If you would see someone like that in the street you would steer clear of him.

This helps him lower himself and gain the treasure of humility.

This can transform his curse of leprosy into the blessing of humility.

Applied Elsewhere

If we dig deep we can find the underlying character traits of many of our bad actions. There is no such thing as a bad action happening in a vacuum. They are all caused by negative character traits.

The converse is true as well. All good character traits create good actions.

Imagine the actions that you want to see yourself doing. Now take a moment of quiet introspection and determine which character trait you need to develop to propel you toward greatness.

 

 

1. Shaarei Kedusha, Chelek Alef, Shaar Alef and Bais
2. Sefer Daas Torah, Parshas Shemos regarding Shifra and Puah
3. Leviticus 14:4
4. Numbers 12:3